Record: W-1, L-8, T-1

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Datatel Loses Opening Game of the 2007 Season

Loss, 12-1

The Datatel Storm softball team started the season with a rough loss, 12-1, at the hands of the fiendish SRA International.

"Our bats just weren't awake yet." stated team manager Matt Wolfe. "I'll perform a voodoo ceremony on them later this week to correct that. If that doesn't help, I say 'F*ck you JoBu, I do it myself.'"

Datatel got a well-pitched game from Warren Johnson. The team supported Johnson in the field with good defense, but would have had an easier time finding the Loch Ness Monster than it would have finding any offense.

SRA International is the corporation long suspected in financing and training the terrorists that tangled with John McClane in Die Hard. It was no surprise that they were able to win a beer league softball game, with their Uzis striking fear in the umpire.

Datatel looks to rebound from this performance in their next game on May 24th.

Datatel Posts First Win of Season

Win, 23-21

The Datatel Storm softball team won their first game of the season, 23-21, over Argon.

"The team was pretty upset from the last game and we just took out our frustrations over R18 on the other team," said interim manager Jason Turbyfill. "Although R18 has been a debacle for Datatel in general, this kind of frustration spells success for softball."

Datatel interns, hired for their athletic talents as much as their professional skills, contributed greatly to the win. They also contributed to a temporary low beer stockpile in local grocery stores.

The game was not without tension, however. The Storm was winning 23-8 entering the final inning, only to tease Argon into thinking they might be able to mount a comeback before cruelly achieving the third out of the inning. Psychological counseling was recommended to each member of the Argon team.

Datatel looks to continue their winning ways in their next game on June 7th.

Datatel Suffers a Tough Loss

Loss, 20-9

The Datatel Storm softball team lost 20-9 in a hard fought and hard drinking loss to FHHLC. (Sources indicate that FHHLC is not a real company because it has too many letters in its acronym, but confirmation is still pending.)

"It's tough to lose to a team like this," said Stu Story. "They're basically a bunch of whiny bitches. I hate them so much."

Aimee Rodgers continued her excellent pitching performance from Datatel's previous game, but FHHLC proved to be able to find holes in the defense. Believing the softballs to be bewitched, the Ministry of Magic is making a full inquiry into the matter.

"It really doesn't matter what they investigate," Marci Andrews fretted. "Voldemort has returned and there's nothing that can be done about it. Only Harry can stop him, and he'll have to sacrifice his life to do so. Wait, aren't we talking about softball?"

Datatel looks to get back in the win column in their next game on June 14th.

Datatel Suffers a Tough Loss

Loss, 20-5

The Datatel Storm softball team lost 20-5 in a game that was closer than the final score would indicate.

"We were losing 7-5 entering the last inning," team manager Matt Wolfe reminisced, "but our defense just disappeared. Sort of like that friend everyone has that always manages to not be around when the bar bill comes."

On the plus side of the loss, the Storm did hit their first two home runs of the season. Wolfe hit the first home run in the bottom of the fourth inning. As he staggered from home plate to the bench, gasping desperately for an oxygen mask that would never appear, he instructed Jason Turbyfill to "do the same thing." Two batters later, Turbyfill did just that. He appeared to not need oxygen as much as Wolfe did.

"Yeah, that was just damn good managing," Robert "Rocco"grandi marveled. "You gotta figure out ways to lead the troops, and there's no better way than by example. Much better than kicking dirt on the umpire or stealing second base."

Datatel looks to stop the losing in their next game on July 2nd.

Datatel Loses Again - ¡Aye Carumba!

Loss, 16-5

The Datatel Storm softball team lost 16-5 in an homage to The Simpsons, whose movie hits theaters July 27th.

"The Simpsons have sucked for almost a decade now, and losing our fourth game of the year was our little way of paying our respects," said bemused manager Matt Wolfe. "Will The Simpsons movie suck? Does Michael Moore talk too much?"

This game featured the debut of Bilal "The Arabian Monster" Sadiq, who's boasted about his home-run hitting abilities for at least an hour. He hit a single.

"I was definitely expecting more out of our ringer," said Doug Haines, another newcomer and expected ringer. "But Datatel just can't seem to pony up the dough to get some real ringers."

Datatel looks to mount the win column in their next game on July 19th.

Datatel Loses a Close Game

Loss, 17-16

The Datatel Storm softball team lost an extremely close game, 17-16, to the SRA Penguins.

"That was, without a doubt, our best game of the year," said manager Matt Wolfe. "It out-ranks the one game we won, which I wasn't in attendance for and therefore don't believe we actually won."

Datatel was down 13-5 entering the last inning but managed to take a 16-13 lead after raining softball terror on the Penguins.

"We even had an automatic out due to us not having enough women," said Doug Haines. "We were close to unstoppable that inning."

Alas, with the sun quickly setting and the ball difficult to see, the Penguins were able to score four runs in the bottom of the inning to retake the lead and win the game. Still, it was the best game Datatel has played in a long time.

Stu Story was the Player of the Game, going 5-5 with 2 singles, 2 doubles, and his first home run of the year. Stu earned his Blue Moon Summer Brew and tasted the madhava honey goodness.

Datatel plays its final game on August 30th, assuming that enough people show up to field a team.

Datatel Loses, Fans Demand Players Take Performance Enhancers

Loss, 25-10

The Datatel Storm softball team suffered yet another defeat at the hands (and bats) of a moderately skilled rival, 25-10.

"We managed to score more runs than we have in the last few games," said star pitcher Aimee Rodgers, "but we also managed to give up a lot more runs, too. I, and the rest of the team, put full blame on the interns."

"Whoa, whoa, now, don't go blaming all the interns," said intern Matt DeDiana. "All the interns put the blame for this game squarely on Bilal."

Game tapes do show that Bilal "The Arabian Nightmare" Sadiq did manage to enable the other team to score a staggering 57 runs. Only the stellar play of the rest of the team could keep the score to 25. Bilal was quickly voted 'Worst Softball Intern.' A trophy presentation is scheduled for July 31st.

Datatel looks to win, or at least drink beer, at their next game on August 13th.

Datatel Loses yet Again, Fans Demand Return of Money

Loss, 26-4

We suck. That's pretty much all that can be said.

Datatel looks to lose yet another game on August 21.

Datatel Kisses Someone's Sister

Tie, 99-99

The umpire never showed to this makeup game, so it was declared a tie. We actually did play the game for fun, but since it didn't count, neither do the stats. Sorry Andy, that home run didn't count.

Datatel Forfeits

Loss by forfeit

Datatel was forced to forfeit this game due to not enough players. Sure, Datatel only had 30 people sign up for the team, but 9 of those people have never shown up for a game. I mean, a normal person would wonder why in the world those people even signed up. But apparently not everyone thinks that way.

Datatel looks to forfeit their next game on August 23.

Statistics

Updated as of 8/25/07

Click on a header to sort

Name AB Hits 1B 2B 3B HR Runs RBI AVG BB K
Aimee Rodgers 10 3 3 -- -- -- 2 3 .300 3 4
Andy Hahn 10 5 5 -- -- -- 3 4 .500 -- 1
Andy Kleehammer 12 8 6 2 -- -- 5 5 .667 1 --
Bernie Alvano 19 13 5 8 -- -- 8 9 .684 2 1
Bilal Sadiq 2 2 2 -- -- -- -- -- 1.000 -- --
Brian Tydlacka 1 1 -- 1 -- -- -- 1 1.000 -- --
Doug Haines 7 3 2 1 -- -- 2 3 .429 1 1
Jason Turbyfill 20 13 5 6 1 1 9 11 .650 1 --
Kelly Horton 2 2 2 -- -- -- -- -- 1.000 -- --
KJ Johnson 6 3 3 -- -- -- 2 2 .500 -- 3
Laura Bailey 7 -- -- -- -- -- 4 1 .000 4 2
Marci Andrews 16 4 3 1 -- -- 6 7 .250 5 2
Margaret Moran 5 3 3 -- -- -- 2 4 .600 4 --
Matt Bricker 15 7 6 1 -- -- 8 1 .467 5 1
Matt DeDiana 12 9 7 -- 2 -- 7 6 .750 1 --
Matt Wolfe 13 9 5 3 -- 1 5 4 .692 3 --
Michelle Taylor 1 1 -- 1 -- -- -- -- 1.000 -- --
Mike Wulff 2 1 1 -- -- -- -- 1 .500 -- --
Patricia Williams 1 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- .000 -- --
Rachel Lucas 8 1 1 -- -- -- 1 -- .125 -- 2
Robert "Rocco"grandi 9 5 3 1 1 -- 2 3 .556 -- --
Scott Peterson 2 2 2 -- -- -- -- 1 1.000 -- --
Stu Story 21 9 6 2 -- 1 5 6 .429 2 1
Su Hallenback 6 -- -- -- -- -- -- -- .000 1 1
Tara Cordova 5 1 1 -- -- -- 1 -- .200 1 --
Warren Johnson 8 4 3 1 -- -- 1 1 .500 1 --
Total 220 109 74 28 4 3 73 73 .495 35 19